Can I honestly say I’m exhausted…

I have three amazingly active and passionate kids, 14, 12 and almost 2 and they are all home for the summer since Friday. That would be last Friday, not this past Friday. I have feared this day for almost a month now. I won’t lie, I love my kids but I work from home a part-time/full-time job and the thought of all of them with me was slightly scary…I felt like I was going to lose the battle of sanity for sure! I came up with lists and ideas on what to do to control the need to play electronics all day, I worked on game plans for the days so they don’t drag on forever, and I made sure that my expectations of housework were quite low. And then the worst of the worst happened on Monday. My cousin, age 17 (only two days away from his 18th birthday) fell down a quarry 100 feet and died. I can’t even believe those words. I can’t even believe he’s gone. All of a sudden, my perspective on life changed. I found LOTS of time to talk with each and every family member, to share in tears and hurts, to post pictures of him on facebook, to look through pictures of him on facebook. I found the time…only because my priorities changed. Yes, my kids were home, yes, I had to work (from home) seven hours each day, yes, dinner had to be made, yes, laundry still must go on because hubby has to go to work. I made a decision inside without even realizing it, that my priority would be showing my aunt & uncle and all the family that I LOVE them! That all I care about it that. Now, let me add that my family is on the east coast….very far away. I couldn’t just congregate at my aunts house like they all did when they heard about the horrific tragedy. I wasn’t even there the day before when they celebrated his graduation from high school with an argentenian style cookout. I missed it all. Let me just say that I can’t even describe that pain. To not be able to be with those that I love.

As they spent the next couple of days preparing for a “celebration of his life” I couldn’t help but be in awe of all the love and support their community had to offer. All the words spoken about him were ones of selfless love. He loved others more, way more than himself. I felt jealous that I couldn’t say that about myself. But then I remember that I did just that. That I put aside all the priorities that I had on Monday and made a new priority. I made a decision to be there for my family. To send flowers, to text words of affirmation, to comment on pics, to laugh to cry. I don’t say that because I’m anything special. I say that because I sit here and think about my chaotic life with kids and a husband who works a lot, and dishes and laundry and more laundry wanting more, wanting to have purpose. And in those moments I found it. I found what makes me passionate, loving others. And in that moment I realized that when our heart is passionate about something it can totally transform our priorities.

Yes, my dishes piled up. And yes, my almost 2 year old ate more chocolate than she should of in those days but that’s ok. It’s ok to change our shift in what matters, whether it’s for a short season or for good. WE all have the power in us to push towards that change. Who knew that the first week of summer would be forever be a call to be selfless, a call to be passionate, a call to climb out of the daily crazy and remember a young man who lived for adventure and love.

Our days will be messy and chaotic at times but those passions inside of us, it’s what moves us. It’s what makes life worth living.